A long time ago, I used to love you. You gave me "Sleeping Beauty," "Snow White," "The Fox and the Hound," "The Jungle Book" and "Robin Hood." Even "Little Mermaid" and "Beauty and the Beast" weren't so bad.
But scratch that. It's 2008, and for the last 10 to 15 years, you have done nothing but disappoint me.
Let me explain the steps within your downward spiral:
* Recently, you decided it would be a good idea to create your own story in a movie with "Enchanted." You were wrong! And how dare you take over the Oscars with those incessant sounds you call music. Kindly step away from the pen and paper and go back to the drawing board. You are animators, not writers. Other people's stories put to life is your forte. Please don't abuse us with even more of these:
What's with all the dolls? Are you into Voodoo, too?
* You gave Britney Spears her start. How could you do this? How could you not recognize that Little Miss Trailer Trash would go back to her roots? Did you not see the future in her mother's eyes or just go by the names of each of the family members - Jamie, Lynn, Jamie Lynn and Britney? Sure Justin Timberlake and Christina Aguilera also began their careers in the Mickey Mouse Club, but so did Annette Funicello, and look where she ended up?
* Recently, you decided it would be a good idea to create your own story in a movie with "Enchanted." You were wrong! And how dare you take over the Oscars with those incessant sounds you call music. Kindly step away from the pen and paper and go back to the drawing board. You are animators, not writers. Other people's stories put to life is your forte. Please don't abuse us with even more of these:
What's with all the dolls? Are you into Voodoo, too?
* Now you've decided to make a movie that includes Donnie Osmond, Martin Lawrence and Raven Simone on the same set. Are you begging for rejection? Are you trying to go bankrupt? If so, this is a sure way!
* In my feeble attempt to find something worth watching on TV last night (aka flipping through the channels), I saw a small part of Extreme Makeover Home Edition (insert sobbing here). I have seen small bits of this show before but can't stand all the crying. I have noticed, however, that when they send the family off on vacation so they can build them a brand new house (thus, not actually "making over" a house), they always send them to... drumroll please... Disney World! That's right, folks. Apparently, the only vacation worth while is Disney World.
* Which brings me to my next point. Chris' brother and his wife, along with their 3-year-old and now 6-month-old, have gone to Disney World several years in a row now. My sister-in-law told me this past Christmas that Christmas in 2008 may see them at Disney World. That's right, no visit with the family for Christmas. No tradition. No overstuffing their faces with grandmothers' food. Nope, Disney World. I believe the reason was something about having their own family time (I guess you can't do that any other time of year?). So now, Disney, you have taken over the minds of families with small children. You have convinced them that your little "world" is where they need to be.
I hope you are proud of your accomplishments, Disney Dearest, cause in all honesty, I don't think Walt would be very proud of where his idea has gone. But just so you know, I'm on to you and I won't give in! I'll continue to watch the classics, but no more new anything from you! If I ever have children, it's Six Flags or bust. And my six or seven readers are now fully educated on your evil, wicked ways! Consider it ON!
16 comments:
I believe every child has the right to visit Disney World once, because I loved it as a kid. But going every year is just sad.
Don't forget: Ryan Gosling was on the MMC as well, and he's got a good career. One Britney in the midst of some legitimate talent isn't too bad.
I think it was Cinderella 3 - 3!!! - that kind of got to me. The story of what would happen if Cinderella didn't meet her fairy godmother. Why change a perfectly great story?! Though I did enjoy Disney World the one time I went. :)
I have to take exception to a couple of points here. First, by saying that Disney has done nothing for the last ten or fifteen years doesn't acknowledge some of the excellent Disney/Pixar films. Some people liked National Treasure (even though I hated it) and the Pirates of the Caribbean movies weren't horrendous. Chronicles of Narnia wasn't bad. There are actually several good live action and computer animated films under the Disney label in recent years.
Second, how do you think Extreme Home Makeover gets the loot to build these homes for usually very deserving families? Can't blame Disney for using this opportunity to get some high profile publicity and PR that actually does good works at the same time. How often is your product placement actually making someone's life better? As for Extreme Home Makeover, I used to watch back during the first season and a half. They started out just doing major renovations, but then one house was in such bad shape that it had to be demolished and after that they had to keep trying to one-up themselves. I've got no problem with the show other than it feeds into the Keeping Up with the Joneses American flaw. It really does find good families in rough situations and then makes them really nice houses (and not the Trading Spaces crap that as often as not makes ugly rooms just for the drama of pissed off homeowners). I wish they'd push Habitat for Humanity in that show though. Habitat does a lot more for more people than this show does, and it'd be a perfect public service for the network.
That said, I hate Disney World (and I'm assuming Disney Land) as I hate hell, and all theme parks.
And Walt would have loved every minute of what Disney has become. He was a businessman first and not always an ethical one. Do a little research on him and you'll be shocked.
And it's also quite likely that old Walt was a Nazi sympathizer. There are several sources close to him that suggested he had strong fascist leanings. His public image definitely wasn't the real man. He manufactured cute, cuddly and family friendly because that's what sold, not because that's the kind of man he was.
OK Jacob, Pixar stuff aside, Disney is pretty much leading the charge in the dumbing down of our culture (as in Martin Lawrence, Raven Simone and Donnie Osmond headlining a movie together). For perhaps a better case in point, look at how many Broadway theaters now run nothing but live-action remakes of Disney movies.
Disney springs talentless pre-teenies to pop diva stardom (Hilary Duff, Miley Cyrus).
Disney is now, as we speak, buying up thousands of acres of land for a compound where it will genetically re-engineer the dinosaurs, then unleash them on major U.S. cities just to film the results for entertainment value in China.
Disney hates puppies, especially yours.
Let's see you argue with that, Jacob.
I like the teacups.
Courtney - There IS Ryan! He is a good actor.
Nicole - Exactly! Not only is Disney a little nutto, but why do they feel the need to have a version 2 and 3 for EVERY movie?
Jacob - At first, you make a good point. Yes, EMHE is a good show as far as what they do for people, and I agree that Habitat should be highlighted more. Then you lost me. You need to learn how to have a difference of opinion without insulting people with your "I'm smarter than the universe" attitude. That's great that you knew Walt so well. I didn't realize you were alive back then. A previous life possibly? Were you the studio's cat back in the day?
I'm just being mean (again). I respect your opinion, but I'll save the majority of my research for that award-winning essay I'm working on. It's a blog.
Chris - Great addition to the point! I REALLY hope Disney isn't taking over Broadway. And yeah, Miley Cyrus?
Mickey - That is quite possibly the best comment EVER!
And Chris, I had no intention to imply that Disney isn't a cultural demon, just that it wasn't entirely devoid of quality in the last decade (it has gone seriously downhill in overall quality, but I think that may be from the sheer quantity of their production these days).
Well, that and that Walt was as evil as the company he started.
You know, what? Maybe my first comment came across differently than I intended. I actually agree with you in general. I kind of thought pointing out the few good exceptions-that-prove-the-rule would be a lighthearted thing, not something that would cause offense or make me sound like a know-it-all.
I also didn't realize that commenting on the fact that Walt wasn't all that respectable himself would come across so badly. I wasn't trying to tell you to do your research before writing. I was just commenting on how much negative stuff is out there about him.
The accusations of his being a Nazi were actually half in jest anyway. I was honestly surprised at the response to what I wrote. I don't think it was taken in the spirit it was intended at all, but body language and inflection add too much meaning and I refuse to use emoticons.
Of course maybe you were joking, in which case I take this all back. Just let me know if you were joking so I can take this all back and replace it with something mean in return. I don't think it was intended as humor, though.
It's OK Jacob! I was mostly joking. You really can't decipher intentions in writing sometimes. I think you come across as a know-a-lot because you do know a lot. It seems like a lot of my readers think I'm always being a hard ass because I am a hard ass in general, but this whole thing was actually suppose to be pretty light-hearted. I don't really think Disney is the devil, just one of his little helpers!
And the history about Walt was actually interesting.
Damn. I was hoping for a fight. I even put my money on Meaghan with my bookie.
No back-tracking, damn it. Disney is the devil. Jacob's a know-it-all. Meaghan's a hard ass.
Now... FIGHT!
Everyone simma! We all know in a battle of words, Jacob would win - if not with the meaning of the words then with the shear amount!
Now out on the playground, I'd whip his ass! I don't care if he is bigger than me! I'm a fast little booger.
Maybe I'd beat you on amount of words if you added up the total on both our blogs, or in length of writing in comments, but I think our words per post average is about as different as Clinton's and Obama's delegate counts.
But of course I'd win. None of you have ever even seen me get angry. I pretend to be angry sometimes when I'm writing, but honestly that's because writing angry is really fun. If Meaghan had pushed me one comment further, I would have unleashed the fury of a thousand cheeks turned the other way and countless considerations of the other points of view. She would have withered underneath the heat of the conflagration of ill-humored language sweeping toward her via the Internet.
Or she would have reacted the same way my opponent in my only ever fight. He pushed me one time too many and sat motionless and shocked as I threw several awkward punches at his face. I'd already popped him in the face twice and started walking toward the office to turn myself in before he even realized he was in a fight. He was so shocked to see me angry that he didn't even feel the need to retaliate for honor's sake. I'm sure Meaghan would have similarly crumpled in disbelief at my awkward, angry and poorly formed textual screams, too shocked to even respond.
Either way, it would count as a win for me, and isn't winning all that really counts?
It seems to me that everyone got so excited about seeing a virtual smack down that you all forgot the obvious...
Disney does not exist for you. They existed for you when you were old enough to be impressed by the teacups. Six year olds do not care about crappy dialogue. They do not care that Disney has ruined the integrity of your childhood memories. Does 110 Dalmations have bright colors and puppies? Check. Smash hit among the six year olds.
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