The answer would be: OK... now.
See, the knucklehead that used to play hide and seek with us as kids and who is an avid Rush fan and fantastic drummer and artist took up drinking quite a while ago - I'm thinking probably in his teens. Drugs were also a part of the mix. But the downward spiral really started when my dad died (by the way, sorry if this is sounding very Debbie Downer-ish). I don't care who you are or what you're beliefs are, but when something like that happens, it sure does help to have a solid rock to lean on. We all had a hard time, of course, but Anthony seemed to go to the things he'd always known to "take away the pain." Only this time, it was full force.
So here we are, 15 years later, and Anthony's life has followed a terrible pattern. Drink. Find a really bad girlfriend or wife. Have a baby. Drink. Get pissed off at girlfriend/wife and start hitting. Drink. Lose connection with baby. Drink. Play in a band. Drink. Do a little painting or cooking for a job. Drink. Drive while drinking. Almost run head-on into a cop. Get arrested. Lose license. Flee the state. Drink. Drink. Drink. Do a little drugs. Find a really bad girlfriend. Have a baby. Drink. Go back to original state. Spend over six months in jail. Get out on probation with strict rules not to drink and not to drive. Drink. Get pissed off at girlfriend. Drink. Drive girlfriend's car one rainy night with a 12-pack of beer in the back seat. Spin out of control until running head-on into a tree.
So that's how we got here. The night of the accident, he had to have emergency surgery on his stomach and colon, both of which had been ripped open during the crash. One leg is completely broken, and the other ankle has a small fracture. During his time in the hospital, they took the drainage tube out of his stomach too soon and gave him a little liquid. When his stomach swelled up to the size of a large balloon and he was in major pain, the doctors went back in and emptied about a gallon of bile out of his stomach and removed an "obstruction" from his colon. (Yeah, it's gross, but when you're stomach doesn't have anything to do, it freaks out.) When he got out of that surgery, he freaked out one night, pulling all of his IVs out. Apparently, he had way too much CO2 in his body, plus was taking Morphine, and on top of all that was going through withdrawal symptoms (Did I mention they did a tox-screen when he arrived at the hospital and they found alcohol and drugs in his system?). So off to ICU he went. They put him in a drug-induced coma and put restraints on his arms. After getting rid of the CO2, they discovered that his lungs had fluid in them (aka pneumonia apparently), and they drained those as well.
He's now awake, back in a normal room and on his way to recovery. He'll be going through rehab for the legs for a while and, according to my sister, looks like Frankenstein on the stomach. No laser surgery here, folks. They sliced him from his chest to his pelvic and then closed him back up with staples - yep, staples.
Once out of the hospital, who knows. Considering he violated his probation, he may be off to jail again. And in the midst of all this craziness, his even crazier girlfriend decided to ship the baby off to Florida with her sisters to "give him to her brother who has custody of her two girls." Yep, she's had two other babies, both of which were taken away from her. Don't get me started on the need for sterilization here...
So what's the moral to this story? Well, I think this goes beyond the ol' "Don't drink and drive." Do not think that a 12-pack, or a lifetime of 12-packs is going to take away the problem; it only makes it worse. It only causes more pain.
Chris and I went to visit him in the hospital in between the second surgery and the trip to ICU. He doesn't even remember us being there, but you better believe I'll be repeating what I said to him that night, even though I know it may go in one ear and out the other. I told him that he just keeps getting chances and that every time he does something he's not suppose to do, he gets caught. Other people get away with it, but not him. And I told him that was for a reason. Someone is looking out for him and making sure that he gets caught and gets another chance. But I also told him this may be the last chance he gets.
I didn't mention to him that I'm really pretty hurt because a) He's my brother - I love him and don't want to lose him, and b) he could have killed someone else. What if his little sister had been in town visiting that night and he had slammed into her car... with her in it... carrying little Logan. How would he feel then? Cause it could have been someone else's loved one instead of a tree that he hit. It could have been a woman carrying a baby, or someone's dad, or someone's son.
He knows he really screwed up. He keeps saying it. I just hope this time it sticks. He has sang the tune of redemption before, only to jump right back into this life. And I'm sure it's hard when it's all you've known. All of his friends drink. Shoot, half of his family drinks. So it's hard to believe that he'll turn around. But he just has to, and I think he's starting to figure out that there's only one way to get through all of this.
OK, my next post really needs to be light-hearted and funny to make up for this whopper. The people who comment on this blog on a regular basis are responsible in their drinking. But even if some random person wanders onto this blog and it causes them to put down that beer, good. It was worth it. Peace out!
8 comments:
I really hope he can learn from this and turn things around. It's hard, but not impossible. Especially when he has fantastic people like you to lean on :)
Geez. Good story. I mean bad story, but well told. Whatever, you know what I mean.
I think your point b) is pretty forceful. That kind of talk would certainly make me think twice.
Wow. I'm really sorry this happened. It must be so hard to watch a family member self-destruct like that.
I think you should absolutely repeat your point to him -- over and over, if that's what it takes. He's really lucky he didn't kill himself or anyone else. But if he continues down this path, it sounds like it's just a matter of time. Maybe rehab will help.
Ditto for what Mickey said.
And it's a shame that logic doesn't really play as much into people's decision making as they tend to think it does. I'm sure he's entirely sincere when he acknowledges he's not on the right path and wants to change. It takes amazing sacrifice for addicts/alcoholics to change. They have to be willing to give up people they consider friends and often sticking with a support group really helps.
To me it's really less of a disappointment that many relapse than it is amazement at the ones who find the strength to pull themselves out because there's no reason statistically to expect the person to stay sober for long. I really do hope your brother becomes one of those exceptions.
Hi Meaghan
Thanks for taking the time to share this, both for your regulars and any passer-by readers.
I'm glad to hear he's doing better and will be praying for him to find the support he needs - that we all need.
No question -- if anyone ever desperately needed a new way of living, this is him.
This is why I think people who drive drunk are among the stupidest around. My sister did some dumb stuff when she was underage, but she always called my mom and my mom always dragged me out of bed to go downtown and pick her up. Why? Because as inconvenient as it is to wake someone up in the middle of the night and have them come get you, there IS someone who will come get you.
I've gotten only worse about it now that I'm a little older and wiser. I've started yelling at people on the road - even if they appear to be sober - when they cut me off dangerously or weave in and out of traffic or run lights or speed. If you're ok throwing your life away, please do it in a fashion that doesn't risk my life as well. I value my life.
I hope someone who needs to read this, does.
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