As if on cue, her eyes immediately dropped to my left hand. I could see the conversation with herself in just a matter of a few seconds.
Is she married? Check.
Is her ring bigger than mine? Nope.
As her eyes came back to my face, my mind flashed back to that Monday following my engagement. I attended a small college, so I wasn't too surprised that EVERYONE seemed to know I was engaged by lunch time even though I had only told a few people. I was excited but I didn't really want to make a big deal out of it. After all, I was not in college to get my MRS degree, as so many have put it. It just so happened that the person I am meant to spend the rest of my life with was in college the same time I was.
But as I approached the dining hall that afternoon, a swarm of females huddled around me (and probably a few gay guys - haha! You have to know where I went to school). Why? Not to ask how he asked me, not to tell me congratulations... but to see the ring. And though the swarm was a little scary, knowing what their reactions were going to be was a bit scarier. The faces turned from "oh my gosh, let me see" to "oh" and "bless her heart, it's so small."
That's right. It's a small engagement ring. It's a traditional gold band with a single marquise-cut diamond, only one-fifth of a karat mind you. But you know what? It's mine, and it was given to me by the one man who gets me.
So of course seven years later, and even then, I just don't really care. What bothers me is that these girls get so wrapped up in something so, well, materialistic. The engagement and wedding rings are symbols. They are worn to show that you value a relationship that is suppose to be never ending, which is why they are circular.
After celebrating our anniversary Monday, I can really see where the idea comes from. Chris and I were talking about how on one hand, it seems like we've been together forever. But on the other hand, it seems like just yesterday we were making eyes in journalism class in high school (nerd alert). But the crazy thing is that you may not even realize when your relationship really "began," and I guess we don't know for sure when it will "end." So much like the circle, there is no set beginning and ending. It just keeps on keeping on.
I'll just be completely honest here. We spent a total of $300 on my rings (I think I'm remembering correctly) and another maybe $100 on his. But you know, that's where we came from. We had very little money. We were "living on love" to quote the great (or not-so-great) Alan Jackson. We had an inexpensive wedding that we had to pay for ourselves. My brother bought my dress, and Chris' brother paid for our honeymoon. We moved into an apartment that had a kitchen the size of a closet and smelled a little like cat pee. But that sucker only cost $385 a month. And a little Italian cheese can, a gift from Kari (shout out!), sat near our microwave in the dining room collecting my tips from working at the coffee shop. It was our "vacation fund."
I picked out this ring, well, showed Chris a picture of it. It's simple, doesn't get caught in anything too often and rarely scratches people - much like its owner. When we started talking about engagement rings and the wedding, the deal was when we had the money for it, we'd do it. And after dating for three years already, I wasn't about to wait three more years so that I could have a massive ring. Financing a piece of jewelry just wasn't an option for us, a sound financial decision I have to say.
So, if the amazing man I married doesn't get tired of me, I'll be enjoying this little ring for a long time, looking down and remembering the day he gave it to me and what he said. Maybe someday I'll have those words inscribed onto the ring.
"I always want to be with you."
17 comments:
I get two things out of this post. Chris didn't love you enough to get you a real ring and you got your MRS. degree in high school so you could actually focus on your BA in college.
Actually, the only reason the ring I got Kim was as big as it was (she's since lost the original) is because I bought it early in my sophomore year of college when all of my income was disposable. Literally, my parents had saved up enough to pay for room, board, and what was left of my tuition after scholarships, and Kim's ring was far from large.
But the reason that I could afford that ring was because my parents are a lot like you and Chris. I think they paid about $300 (in the mid 70s) for the set (her engagement and both wedding bands), bought a house that had been running down for years and renovated it so they never had a bill larger than a car payment. My mom has never once regretted the small ring or any other lack of trappings of wealth. Unlike those who do take that stuff seriously, they'll never have to worry about her finances and can afford to play in retirement even if the market tanks.
I'm lucky Kim doesn't need that stuff either. I can't take my work life seriously enough to ever be able to afford any of it and I don't see the point in paying for anything beyond the necessities unless you can eat it or have fun with it.
But the song your title references annoys me. Not just because she repeats the same line a thousand times but because some of the values it seems to embody.
My thing is that if you're excited about getting married, you shouldn't get married. If you're excited about marrying the other person and the wedding is just what you have to do to get there, then you should get married.
For the record, I agree with Jacob on the Beyonce song. Just thought the line would be fun to use as a title. But yeah, she seems to be all about the bling, which is pretty much the opposite of this post.
Firstly, I agree with Jacob that you have to be excited about the person you're marrying, not the wedding itself (although yours and mine both were fun!)
Secondly, I know where you're coming from here. My engagement ring is neither large nor expensive, but it meant that we would be together sooner rather than later and that's all I needed.
Thirdly, Chris sure does know how to propose, huh? :)
And fourthly, that is one cute kid!
I still feel that way.
For starters, it really made me laugh when you said that you rarely scratch people. I would love for you to make your next post a tale about the last time you scratched someone. Purposefully.
Most importantly, I agree with you. I don't know how much Matt spent on my ring, but I know that he ordered it online (he went to Tech, what do you want?) and it was late.
He had his mom overnight his grandmother's ring so that he would still have a ring for the proposal and I cried when I had to give it back. I was all sentimental about the history of the ring and the fact that it was the ring he used when he said he wanted to marry me. It didn't matter what it looked like.
It wouldn't have cost him a thing to give me but he had already paid for a ring for me and I felt his sister should get the grandmother's ring one day. He's never admitted to it, but I bet he kicked himself when he realized he could have gotten engaged for free.
@ Chris: Awwwwwww
Aw, Meaghan, I love your ring because it is a great reflection of who you are. When you shared your story with me the last thing on my mind was the ring, because I know you...and I know that it isn't the monetary value of your ring that gives the priceless value of your love. It is perfect for you because it reflects your life-value...that love and people are way more important than the money in someone's pocket. You and Chris have always shown that. You are generous when it matters, and frugal when it doesn't. If you spent all your wealth on things that didn't matter, then you wouldn't be able to help those in need when it does matter. I am proud of your monetary ethics! I love you!
Aww, that's sweet. I agree with what everyone else has said -- it's not the size of the diamond, but of the gesture.
That said, Mickey better get a big honkin' diamond if/when he proposes to me.
(I kid! I kid! It would be ridiculous of me to expect that, especially considering how much time he's spent unemployed. Huge diamonds are tacky and ostentatious anyway.)
Jacob: I didn't plan to get my MRS in high school, but I guess I did! haha! And that's cool that your parents will be able to play in retirement. We're hoping for that someday. Oh, and that last paragraph: absolutely true.
Stephanie: I love your little ring, too. And yeah, I had to throw in a pic of the cutest kid ever...
Chris: You=the sweetest :)
Julie: Awe! That ring sounds cool!
Shannon: Love you, too, chica! Glad we share the same values there!
Courtney: You know you're getting a big rock, but it will probably be a piece of a mountain he climbed. Or he'll make you climb a big rock and tell you that's your engagement gift! Haha! Just teasin'. You know what, a big ring might look funny on your little hand! You have found the perfect partner in Mickey. He's a keeper...
Awwwwwwwww!
But I wouldn't be me if I didn't point out that rings are circles because a rhombus or a triangle wouldn't fit on your finger as well. And a half-circle just wouldn't work at all. Hold on to your symbolism if you must, but I'm siding with physics.
And thanks for the compliment.
Mickey: Thanks for the very logical reasoning. I guess some people do other jewelry or a tattoo or something, but yeah, I appreciate the symbolism of a ring...
I think I was one of those girls crowded around to see the ring... but what I remember seeing was the love and joy on your face. What you guys had (and still have) is a big part fo what motivated me not to settle for anything less.
Thank you.
Very sweet. I spent too much money for something for Wifey tht sits in a box on her dresser. Oh well.
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